Directors just getting into the world of music videos have always been on the look out for that one thing that'll jump start their career. Sure, those talismans have changed as time passed — swing-and-tilt lenses gave way to SkyTel pagers and then on to a conveniently short twitter handle. Everyone has needs, yo.
Often overlooked is the very basic way that language works inside the 'Master Performance Industrial Complex.' What every newbie director truly needs is a proper translation service. Here are some of the most common phrases below. A tourist guidebook of sorts …
The Video Production Dictionary
'We have an open brief' = 'We have reached out to so many directors, your mother is also writing on this job'
'The guest artist's travel schedule means we must shoot next Monday' = 'This job is gonna totally push until the 13th of Never'
'We want an idea that will break through the clutter' = 'No one has any idea how this act ever got signed to our label'
'The budget is firm' = 'Bring a desk lamp from your apartment'
It makes sense that when replying to labels and management, every director should be as equally versed the lingo …
'Minimalist approach to post-modern style' = 'We have no money. Let's shoot inside this my cousin's storage unit'
'Find the perfect lighting and lenses to make them look amazing' = 'We are going to use so many smoke machines, no one will ever know the lead singer is so ugly they frighten small children.'
'The visual reference gives you an idea of the vibe we are going for.' = 'This commercial is cool, isn't it? Not sure what it has to do with this song, but it sure is cool.'
A dictionary is a living document, so please add your own translations in the comments.
Doug Stern also writes music video treatments and does free-lance translation on the side.
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